


beim abschied

by Kittywu



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Ferdibert Week (Fire Emblem), M/M, day 4: war, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21694624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittywu/pseuds/Kittywu
Summary: "his hands played with the golden ring he carried in his pocket, that he had carried in the pocket of his coat for the past week - waiting, yearning for the right moment, the right time to ask a question he had carried in his mind for so many sleepless nights that he had spent watching ferdinand’s chest gently rising and falling as he slept soundly, his face nuzzled in his chest and his hair sprawled over the white pillows, rays of sunshine illuminated by the adrestian moon."or:a tale of unsaid words and farewells.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	beim abschied

**Author's Note:**

> well would you look at that, i have written a fic for the first time in literally three fucking years. i am, however, the same kind of bitch that i was three years ago: i still love major character death and i love writing fics based on romantic era kunstlieder. 
> 
> this fic is in it's imagery and structure and just everything heavily inspired by clara schumann's lied [beim abschied](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QYweA3aSYQ). 
> 
> everything is lowercase because _aesthetic_.
> 
> this might contain mild spoilers for any non crimson flower route but like. super mild ;)

**i**

the evening sky was tinted crimson by the sinking sun, the last glimpses of sunlight bathing ferdinand’s hair in warm gold. a gentle smile crept onto hubert’s face as he looked at his beloved putting his cup down onto the table, as ferdinand rested his chin on the back of his white gloved hand, as he looked at him with expectation in his eyes.

“what was it that you wanted to discuss, dear,” he said and his voice filled hubert with warmth.

his hands played with the golden ring he carried in his pocket, that he had carried in the pocket of his coat for the past week - waiting, yearning for the right moment, the right time to ask a question he had carried in his mind for so many sleepless nights that he had spent watching ferdinand’s chest gently rising and falling as he slept soundly, his face nuzzled in his chest and his hair sprawled over the white pillows, rays of sunshine illuminated by the adrestian moon.

he wasn’t sure if it was the right moment yet. if he was ready to form the words with his lips, words that he never imagined himself saying. words that he never imagined himself meaning. but he did, they were the most honest words he had ever thought, the most honest feelings he had ever felt. he let out a huff as he thought about the irony of him feeling like this for ferdinand of all people. and yet he did, and he loved every second of it, every shared heartbeat, even though it sometimes felt like it could tear him apart with the sheer intensity of those feelings.

“nothing important. it can wait until you return,” hubert said as the little inkling of courage left him. there were more pressing matters at hand than his own feelings. there was an empire, a vision to defend, a war to win. there was a mission that ferdinand had to depart to in the early morning hours.

“very well,” ferdinand said as he got up and pressed a gentle kiss onto hubert’s forehead. “then we will talk about it when i return.”

“i will be waiting for your return.” hubert took ferdinand’s hand into his own, bringing it close to press a kiss onto his knuckles. maybe it was more of a soft smile pressed into the fabric of ferdinand’s gloves. “until then, farewell.”

“you make this sound so dramatic, hubert. you’re always so... dark. it’s not a farewell, i’ll be back in a couple of days.”

“we are at war after all,” hubert said, as if something tiny, something painful, something bitter, in the back of his mind, knew of something he couldn’t properly comprehend.

“i know that much, but i have every intention of returning to you as soon as possible. so i shall see you in a few days.”

“then i shall see you in a few days. fare-“

“it is not a farewell, hubert,” ferdinand said and in an unexpected show of affection, he pressed his lips onto hubert’s before he left.

it was a farewell.

**ii**

the ground was tinted crimson by the blood spilled on the bridge, blood of soldiers from the empire, blood of soldiers from the kingdom and his own blood being washed away by the rain falling from the sky. the sun had already set a while ago, and night was starting to fall over the great bridge of myrddin. it was only a matter of time, he thought, until even the last bits of light would fade, until the bridge was covered in shadows entirely. 

there were many things on his mind, racing and yet escaping him before they could form a concrete thought. they were being washed away by the rain, they were being taken away from him by some unknown force, they were being dulled out by the biting pain in his side. 

he still had every intention of returning to enbarr. so he grit his teeth, pressed his eyes shut, held the bleeding wound on his side and tried to get up, but there was no strength left in his legs, there wasn’t even that much strength left in his arm to support his weight as he tried to push himself off the ground. his hand slipped away into something - water, mud, blood - and his head started to spin as he hit the ground again.

he had every intention of returning to enbarr, he had to, he had promised to hubert, and there were still so many things left to be said, left to be done. time to be spent together, glances to be stolen. he wondered what hubert would say, when he learned of the news that the great bridge of myrddin had fallen. he knew him too well to expect some great show of emotion. he was calculated, cold, reserved. he was a fortress, impregnable in his own way. he wondered what hubert would say when he learned that he would not be coming back.

he had every intention of returning to enbarr but he was tired, so tired. he wondered what it was that hubert had wanted to tell him before he left. what a shame that he hadn’t told hubert what he had wanted to tell him for so long. _i love you_ , it felt like the first coherent thought in a while. but that wasn’t what he had wanted to say, he had said that many times already. no, that wasn’t it, but he couldn’t remember what it had been anymore.

it was a shame that he hadn’t properly said goodbye before he left. maybe hubert had known something, suspected something, he always knew way too much. maybe that was why he had said farewell to him that day. he didn’t know anymore. he only knew that he was tired and that every part of his body felt heavy. maybe he could rest for a while. maybe he could sleep just a little, and then he would be ready to go back to enbarr. maybe he would dream of hubert while he slept.

_i love you. i want to spend the rest of my life with you._

**iii**

his world was tinted crimson, dark and crimson, from pressing his eyes shut in an effort to remain collected. the second the messenger had arrived he had known. but when he had heard the news, when he had heard those words, it had felt like his heart had stopped beating, like his heart had fallen out of his chest only to shatter on the ground like the porcelain cup that had fallen out of his hand. shards of porcelain on the ground, shards of a shared life, broken into pieces by nine simple words. who would have thought words had so much power.

_duke von aegir has been killed in the battle_. the words were still there, in his head, burning the wound deeper and deeper into his flesh, into his soul, into his heart. he felt like he was being torn apart for real now, and not by love and adoration, he was being torn apart by the sharp pain of the knowledge that he would never be able to see that soft smile again, hidden behind his teacup, filled with golden sunlight and warm fondness. that he would never whisper soft words into the crown of ferdinand’s head while he pretended to be already asleep and he pretended that he didn’t notice that ferdinand was actually still awake. that he had never given him that ring, that he had never said those words to him that he had practiced in his mind over and over again. and that he had missed that moment he had been waiting for. 

he felt a single hot tear run down his cheek as his throat tightened into a knot. he had suffered his fair share of wounds throughout the years of war, but he had never felt such a sharp pain before. he felt like he was being stabbed. over and over again. he was being burned alive. 

he looked at the shards on the ground, on the remnants of the life that he and ferdinand had had together. their happiness had been so fragile, their bliss had been a thin, delicate porcelain cup and neither of them had known. 

if he had known, he would have told ferdinand, he would have given him the ring that now felt so heavy in the pocket of his black coat. if he had known, he would have asked ferdinand to stay a little while longer, he would have given him another kiss, another embrace, he would have told him that he loved him one more time. and maybe he would have asked him not to go, they could have sent someone else to defend the bridge, he could have saved him, if only he had known.

maybe he had known. maybe he could have done all these things, but he hadn’t. he had let him go, because they both knew that it was what he had to do. they were at war after all. 

and yet, it didn’t stop the pain in his chest and it didn’t stop the tears on his cheeks. 

oh, if only he had properly said goodbye.

**iv**

enbarr was tinted crimson by the banners of the empire and by the blood of its soldiers. the sun was setting on the empire and the war was lost. 

_is this how it feels to die?_ , hubert thought. _was this how ferdinand had felt?_ his body was aching. his vision was blurry. all he saw was the red twilight and the sky. maybe he would see the stars again before he died, even though the sight of the night sky had lost all of its appeal since, well, since the day he had learned of ferdinand’s death. the brightest star he had ever seen was gone and the rest of them couldn’t even begin to compare. maybe he would die before nightfall though. maybe that was preferable, dying felt miserable, pitiful. 

with what felt like the last strength he still had in his muscles he moved his hand to take the golden ring out of the pocket of his coat. he had never taken it out, it had felt too painful, it was too much of an reminder of what he had lost, of what could have been. he brought it to his lips, kissed the golden band like he would have kissed it on ferdinand’s finger. 

when the sun would rise again, he would long be dead. and if he woke up in some sort of afterlife, maybe he would see him again. maybe he would finally tell him those words he didn’t have the courage for while he was still alive. 

_i shall see you in a few moments,_ he thought. 

_until then, farewell, ferdinand._

**Author's Note:**

> my heart resides in the holy kimgdom of faerghus so this is set during azure moon.
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/pinkmotema) where i mainly talk about cats.


End file.
